BBF BEACHY CLEANBy Cheeky Posted 22 September 2014
[WritersClearinghouse News Service]
Saint Joseph, Michigan
The rain, humidity and dreadful heat finally ended so I am riding, well sitting, high.... I was very lethargic and unhappy as the air conditioning dries out my little pink nose and causes my lovely fur to resemble a Brill-O pad. I'm not complaining as I don't care for the frizzies in my tail either, just an observation.
Photo: WritersClearinghouse News Service/Harriet Eser Phillips
Mom and her best friend (what? I thought I was her best friend.... Oh that's true, but here we are talking two-legged category and I of course am Number One Winner in the four-legged love race....) Anyway, Mom and her best friend went to the beach yesterday. Now in my opinion "the beach" qualifies as the world's biggest sand box and I refuse to go there, not because I am unwelcome, seriously NO PETS.... I would be adored if only the other sunbathers made my acquaintance, but because I know I would be overwhelmed and exhaust myself digging little holes everywhere and never even reaching China. Not at all my cup of oolong.
According to Mom, the beach is absolutely wonderful. The south-eastern shores of beautiful Lake Michigan, with soft, pale golden sand and many shades of blue and green glistening water gently splashing the shore. It's truly a dream and more than ever, it is happily enjoyed by lots of folk.... Kids with grand orca-shaped and multi-colored inflated water toys, inner tubes (remember those? Every reasonable car at one time had four of them) rafts and kayaks and paddle boats.
Seems like a lot of action to me and kids are really not my favorite playmates.... What's with tugging on my whiskers? The nerve. They certainly have no idea what my teeth and jaws are capable of...like tearing a piece of deli chicken to shreds in mere seconds with no remorse whatsoever.
Mom has a relationship with the seagulls. I resent it, but she takes them stale crackers and bread and to the dispair of the other beachers distributes these goodies gleefully. Their favorite treat is Cheetos, but these are not allowed as their beaks turn orange and this makes them look very silly.
Mom is quite tan, although this is frowned upon by every dermatologist on the planet. She insists that her objective is clear -- to look like Gene Autry's saddle. She is well on the way. SPF anything. No, she is a dare-devil and sticks to coconut oil, lethal but effective and she also maintains that bronze cellulite is to be preferred over "uncooked turkey-style" white flab. Time for that in the winter.
Mom is too funny. Some would call her paranoid and kinda looney. When she comes home, she undresses in the garage and shakes everything out vigorously over the big barrel. Sometimes I am allowed into the garage with her to watch this nonsense. Then she races into the shower, with me in tow and we both have a good scrub. I have come to truly like being "wiped" down with a damp wash cloth, head to toe and sometimes even toes. I have my own green and white polka dotted cloths. Even when she abandons me to go to the beach, the fun we have when she is back home makes our reunion even better. I don't mind her goofiness at all, we belong together. Life is good.
(Cheeky is channeled by Harriet Eser Phillips).