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Monday, 19 December 2011

Newt-ron Bombs Again

Chump Oeil
Junto writer Jackie Atkins proclaims herself as 'an emotionally scarred woman in need of a public outlet' after an unnerving encounter with Newt Gingrich a dozen years ago when the randy former U.S. Speaker of House was on the lascivious prowl in Philadelphia.

Gloria Allred, Esq.
Allred, Moroko & Goldberg
Los Angeles, CA

Dear Gloria,
Please help me. I don’t know where else to turn. You are my last chance.

My nights have been restless: I suffer from sleeping leg syndrome and by head aches in a spinning motion ever time I think about what happened. I need closure. The world should know what this man has done to me.

Oh, it all started in the summer of 2000 when I was eager to be part of history. The Republicans had come to Philadelphia to nominate W. As a loyal Republican, I looked forward to meeting the stars of the Grand Old Party. G.O.P.

So naturally when I had a chance to attend a private cocktail party at the Rittenhouse hosted by U.S. Congressman James C. Greenwood my heart swooned. The invitation stated that the guest of honor would be no other than Newt Gingrich, who, at the time, was a correspondent for Fox TV. More important, I knew him as the one who single handed changed the course of history by wresting the U.S. House of Representatives from the grips of Democrats and pinning down the nation’s hopes for a Republican revival.

I was truly honored to be asked to be in attendance with the great man.

The party was held in a residence on the 22nd floor of the Rittenhouse. I arrived early that summer evening with a friend, Norma. We were standing off to the side sipping our Chardonnay when Newt entered. I must say, for a small man he did full up the room. He's also fat. About twenty people were already there, but everyone almost immediately was paying attention to him.

That’s when what I have never been able to put to rest occurred.

It was a hot summer night, Gloria, so I have always felt that maybe, just maybe, I brought this on. You see, I wore a halter top dress, an Ellen Tracy, actually. It was yellow with white prints. I still have it. I have never worn it since that night, though. I have it preserved in a garment bag hanging in my closet.

Greenwood escorted Speaker Gingrich around, and when he came over to Norma and me my eyes fixated on this cute little round butter-ball-kind of guy in a pin-striped suit.

Newt was also fixating. He had plenty to say to us. By us, I do not mean Norma and me. No, his fixation was my chest. True, the diminutive Newt's his eye-line was sort of aligned with my cleavage. Yet, the guy never looked up.

For twenty minutes or so (it seemed like an eternity), Newt Gingrich conducted a political conversation with breasts. He did the talking.

Gloria, I was visually raped. Yes, raped. Raped by Newt Gingrich. The dude never touched me, well, in that way, of course. He did tell me he liked my dress. He also at one point held my hand, looked into my eyes (the only time he ever diverted from my twins!) and repeated my name.'Jackie,' he said. He wouldn't let go until I called him Newt. I called him 'Newt.' How sweet. Except, I think he might have been drooling. Or, was he just licking his lips?

Try as I might, I cannot get pass this close encounter. Now, whenever I see is this man next to his tawdry blond bombshell third wife I realise, he is not at all what he projects. He is shorter. And fatter. And he still licks his lips.

What Gingrich did to me was totally inappropriate. I want the world to know. Only you, Gloria, have the power to shout this out before it is too late and another woman in a low-fitting, revealing, sexy Marilyn-Monroe inspired dress is battered by a peeping Newt. Yes, the Newt-ster is still on the prowl.

We are talking about character. Right? Do we want a man in the White House -- shades of Bill -- who doesn’t know how to look at an entity, but just at her projectiles? Is this what we want for this country?

I can be reached for further consultation at the number on my attached résumé. I'm also thinking that a press conference is surely in order. And don't forget the suit. Yeah, we got to sue. We need prevent a miscarriage of an election process. But I also need money -- because of all the trauma that two of my three personalities endured that fateful evening. You might also point out that I'm currently unemployed.

Thank you for hearing me out. You are indeed a friend to all manipulated women, and a lawyer extraordinaire for those of us in a financially emotional need. What's your cut?

Ms Jackie S. Atkins